Increasingly, we see that the “soft side” of leadership (how things are done) has serious performance and financial consequences.

Beyond all the communication and feedback tools and techniques leaders learn and practice, it is the underlying assumptions, attitudes and expectations which color every action and reaction….often with unintended consequences.

Participants in my “Leaders Coaching Leaders Workshop” are often surprised about how much their attitudes elicit unexpected responses. They learn how much their team’s mis-communications and conflicts sap attention and energy from the work at hand.

“It’s All About the How” is a web radio interview that focuses on ways to understand and address this increasingly important challenge.

Please listen and let me know what you think.

Most of us focus on the health of our bodies, our relationships or our work lives when we feel pain or a threat.

Regular check ups and check ins can set us on a healthy course before the warning signs present.

When was the last time you evaluated the health of your career?

Take this career check-up to diagnose, attain and manage your career well being:

CAT Scan
Career Achievement Themes

Begin a running list of what you are doing that gives you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction: what problems or projects you focus on, what did you do to resolve them, and the results. Now look for themes of what you can you capitalize on, build on, and expand.

MRI
Motivation, Relationships, Inspiration

What do you care about?

What kinds of people stimulate and support you?

What ideas or concepts move you to action?

Are you engaged right now with people, actions and ideas that encourage your contributions?

Are you energized or drained by your activities and surroundings?

Blood Test
Analyze your current:

Beliefs

Limitations

Objections

Obstacles

Derailers

that may be undermining or diverting your attention and abilities.

Healthy careers are engendered by an ongoing attention to what works, what matters and what needs attention. Your work benefits from regular analysis, re-thinking, shifting position, adapting and adjusting based on the external and internal circumstances.

And, most important is taking some time for

R&R

Make some regular “down time” to review and refine your focus to release positive energy.

What is going on in your head right now? Are you in charge or do thoughts just drift in and out?

Just having read that South Pacific is in revival at Lincoln Center, I have been humming “Some Enchanted Evening” since 6:00 am. A great song for an extrovert!

Much has been written of late about how our internal monologues affect our mood. This “self talk” can be in the form of a conversation, a parental voice, or our own internal critic. What we say to ourselves this way can distort reality by shading our perceptions, cause us to misinterpret a comment, or connect present experiences to past memories. The good news is that you can leverage the power of your mind to shift your attitude and mood. You can simply change your mental CD!

My clients often benefit from this very simple exercise:

1. Think of which mood, behavior, attitude or reaction you want to promote.
2. Now, pick a song that will remind you quickly to shift your to your preferred mode.
3. Create a reminder for yourself by putting this song title on a little sticky memo and place it in a prominent location in your PDA or notebook.
4. When you find yourself going negative or need to focus on your goal, your reminder will trigger a mental shift. You will replace your negative impulse with a desired thought or theme.

Just imagine the power of some of these tunes:

To deal with ambivalence there is Kanter and Ebb’s “Yes“

For negativity there is “Accentuate the Positive“

And to combat feeling bored: “Child in Me Again” or any song from Sesame Street.

Or “Some Enchanted Evening” could remind you to network.

If you want to hear me singing these songs, just click on the link and turn up your volume button!

Now it is your turn:  Think of a song that will help you flip your internal dialog switch.
If you cannot sing, just “Whistle a Happy Tune” for Spring!
Let me know what music works for you!

This month I was asked to be the Feb 08 Advice Guest on on Working Women Forum.

This is such an interesting experience for me. Daily, I check the site and read and respond to the questions posted. Take a look if you are curious….ask a question!

Unlike my usual consulting opportunities, I am operating without benefit of seeing and hearing the individual, of probing, learning more about the context and conditions underneath the “presenting problem”.

Questions asked are mostly “quick” solutions to some rather complex issues such as reinventing one’s self, getting along with a new boss, getting out of a “rut”. So, I find myself wondering about these question writers.

Are they taking their development seriously?

Do they truly believe that a few tips and tools will resolve their concerns?

What I find so challenging about this message board “coaching” is that I have very little data, no input or feedback to work with…and after providing thoughtful responses, often absolutely no reaction, acknowledgment or feedback.

My comments go into a total black hole, or are responded to by a third person who adds to or argues with my ideas. It is a kind of a “one-way dialog.”

This is a microcosm for the way we are now living in 2008. So many of my clients tell me that they are working in a vacuum; that they feel misunderstood, without a voice, without a sense of place or connection, without guidance and appreciation for their 24/7 work. Their day is riddled with email attacks, instant message missiles and their leisure activities involve social networking on their computers.

The internet seems interactive…but it is not human. It lacks texture, nuance, sound and “touch”.

In contrast to our computer-based relating is the message of an article in today’s New York Times Science section about the importance of being able to decode subtle clues which lead to rapport. Human connections, it seems, still depend on what the article refers to as “social music”.

Tips for Connecting:

Go talk in person with someone several times a day.

Dial the phone rather than hitting the keys when you know a voice would make a difference.

Smile at a colleague and see what happens.

Before making a request, or conducting a transaction, ask the person how s/he is.

Practice rapport.

Show your appreciation in person, on the phone, and, yes, in instant messages!

As the song says: “it’s the most wonderful time of the year….”

We all are inundated this time of year by solicitations, events, business acquaintances who want to have lunch/coffee/dinner/drinks, and those endless pre-holiday store ads.

The rush to catch up with professional friends and acquaintances as well as manage holiday commitments, parties, fund raisers, business pressures and the inclement weather is becoming overwhelming for many. To compound the rush, job seekers and those who anticipate a potential career change are aggressively out and about networking, often with people whom they haven’t spoken with in years.

Recipients of these overtures are getting flooded and sometimes even annoyed. In the holiday spirit, they want to be receptive, but are so busy that one more request weighs them down. And when asked to spend time with someone over coffee or lunch with whom there is a tenuous connection, many busy executives comply with hidden resentment. They would like to be helpful but become exasperated when the contact presents a problem expecting them to create a solution, magically know of a job, or to provide a referral to other overloaded business relationships for “information and advice”.

If you are one of those hapless networkers who think this is a good time to be in touch…to ask a business acquaintance out for a drink/tea/lunch/dinner to “catch up” or “pick their brain” consider this alternative: Give them a gift. Offer to give them advice or information, help them build connections, remind them of something they have done that has made a difference in your life….and don’t ask them for anything!

The other night I was inspired at a very lovely, warm and event hosted by Palms For Life.
Unlike many fund raisers that are held at beautiful locations, require formal attire and involve endless speeches for upwards of @1,000 a plate, this soiree featured discounted beautiful dresses and a fashion show of a very talented young designer, in the home of the organization’s founder, Hannah Laufer-Rottman.

Hannah, who started this global not-for-profit only 18 months ago, epitomizes the ideal relationship nurturer. She has built her organization by her personal ability to reach out, listen and consider the needs of others, create alliances and partnerships based on mutual benefit, and never to take no for an answer in a charming, loving way. By persistently creating solutions, thinking opportunistically about every possible connection, she engages people who can help her spread the word, build the fund or promote the cause in unique ways. She always comes prepared with ideas that she molds and adapts to the situation, always with an eye toward mutual benefit.

In my mind, giving without guile is the truest form of relationship development. Executives and professionals I know who are able to lead change, engage colleagues, create successful organizations and ride transitions smoothly are those who are open to and anticipate what others need. They make connections, remove barriers, have hope and inspire others.

Thank you to the Hannah’s of this world for reminding us about the true nature of Giving!

How often do you take the time to assess the impression you are making in your every day life?

Of course, you dress and you are on your “best behavior” during presentations, meetings, official events when you know you are being observed and judged. But, in your every day dealings–in the elevator, talking with the receptionist or lobby guard, answering the phone, walking on the street or down the hall, answering the phone (particularly when distracted or in a hurry), how aware are you of the impression you are making?

It is in these unconscious micro moments that we create our personal and professional “know-ability”. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Blink calls this phenomenon “slicing.” Others create inferences and conclusions about the most subtle body language and voice tone and then develop their own response to what they perceive quickly and unconsciously. These reactions lead the observer to experience feelings, conclusions, responses, and reactions that we might do well to consider before we act.

This is particularly true when we consider the contrast between expectations and experience. In marketing terms consistency between what the buyer wants and what he gets is called “branding.” And now in networking and career management, we have become used to the word “branding” to help corporations and individuals be more aware of how they want to be perceived and ways to support that goal.

In her recent newsletter, “Tip of the Month”, Andrea Nierneberg, who is one of my very favorite networking experts, recommends that we make our self-branding conscious. She writes:

Think now about your own branding as you network:

Write down Your USPs – Unique Selling Points-we all have them.

Define what makes you “unique”, for me – I “follow up fast and efficiently”

Your positioning strategy – how do you like to be positioned? How do you “live” your brand? What do people think of when they hear your name?

Put together your positioning statement and continually upgrade it. It answers the following:

• Who you are?

• What business are you in? Or what business do you WANT to be in…

• Who do you serve?

• Who is your competition?

• How do you differentiate yourself?

• What unique benefit do you provide so that someone says-he/she is the one for you on this project, job, etc.

I commend you to read the Andrea’s newsletter and blogs regularly. Her writing is engaging and her tips very actionable.

Tips and Tools

Here is a very simple five step way to make your own “brand” consistent and conscious.

I call this activity “Your Brand Reminder”
1. First, think about the impression you want to create around you–how you want to be known, remembered, spoken about.
2. Write down 5-7 adjectives that you want others apply to you in every interaction, in a “slice”, when they talk about you to others, and particularly when there is intensity, change or conflict in the workplace.
3. Envision the behaviors that support these descriptors. How do you need to speak, act, interact to elicit your colleagues’ conclusion that you are operating within your “brand?”
4. On one of those very convenient Post It notes, or in your to-do list, memo or note book, write down your adjectives. Some of my clients like to create a secret code word, anagram or mantra. Place your Brand Reminder someplace where you will see it several times a day.
5. Particularly when stretched, stressed, tired or busy, take a moment before reacting to “reset” your behavior in line with your desired impression.

Try it and let me know how it works for you!

Metaphor is an excellent teacher.

My very learned yoga instructor, Joe Williams, recently discovered a wonderful way demonstrate how less effort focused on the appropriate area will enable more range with less injury. Joe led his students to consider our joints as levers, similar to a door hinge. The hinge moves very little to open and close a door. So, too, when we move our arm up, our leg out, our body into poses, we need to concentrate our energy, stay centered at our root, rather than flail and fall over in an effort to “achieve” the position.

Imagine if we applied such a concept to our work life. We would identify our core strengths, concentrate on the present, seek balance, stretch without strain or judgment, and stay centered despite external distractions, fleeting thoughts, or extraneous effort. We probably would dispel the myth that trying harder is necessary to get results. We might even stop demanding, expecting, straining, pressuring. In short, we would evaluate, reach, readjust, accept, seek equilibrium and surrender when appropriate.

We have potential mentors and mantras in every area of our lives if we look for them. And, often a profound message can be delivered with a very simple exercise. Joe often has us do a warm up exercise in which we fold our hands and reach out to “Power”, then raise our arms to “Joy” and end with our head resting back on our hands, arms bent in “Contentment”.

More for less and a balanced day…. a yoga practice for living fully.

Ah, the lazy days of summer are here again. These past few days of beautiful weather in NYC are certainly an incentive to hanging out and doing as little work as possible.

Thinking of being lazy, however, I am mindful of the causes and consequences of hanging back, relaxing and just letting things happen around oneself.

I just read Eat, Pray, Love, (great summer read). The writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, is clear that there is a time and place for what we might call laziness; the act of just drifting and receiving in place of ambitiously pursuing a goal. I am reminded that in life, one often needs time to be a little self-indulgent, to take time to reflect, heal and dive deep within before moving on. Gilbert’s “time out” permitted an open mind which attracted and integrated new ideas and insights otherwise blocked by anger, resistance and habit.

The critical factor in distinguishing constructive respite from destructive laziness is the underlying motivation. Gilbert Brim in a recent article, Ambition in Psychology Today, notes the dynamics of goal setting connected to capacity, risk potential and motivation: “The ideal and the minimum are the “best case” and ‘worst case’ scenarios. The realistic level usually is the level of just manageable difficulty. To achieve more requires a performance/capacity ratio that is too demanding; below this level, we are underloaded.”

Recently, my friend Dave Option talked in his blog about “fear induced lethargy” in job search, which is rejection avoiding inaction that we all experience in any “putting yourself out there” endeavor. As I see it, destructive laziness based on fear of rejection is not just limited to job seekers: it keeps artists from showing, aspiring performers from performing, single people from dating, the shy from initiating…you get the drift.

The irony of protecting yourself from rejection is you get no exposure, no feedback…and no information on which to build self-awareness and self-esteem. My suggestion for overcoming fear induced lethargy is to substitute curiosity for fear, and to calibrate action so that you get incremental reinforcement. This way you can accelerate or cut back based on small victories or minuscule defeats.

In career management, focus on the information or action needed rather than the rejection feared…..and, everything changes! Changing “how do I avoid risk, rejection, or failure” to “how can I find a way to bring my value to an organization’s need” is a most productive re-framing. Sharing a mutual interest and focusing on another person’s interest related to what you have to offer, rather than the position you want someone to help you get, reduces the fear of rejection and creates a meaningful connection.

In life, as in art, the most satisfied people are so engaged in the creative act that the action seems effortless. And when performing, flow comes from a focus on the joy of the creativity and connection with the observer’s enjoyment. As my wonderful cabaret director, Helen Baldassare says, make it about the meaning of the song for you and the audience….and stage fright vanishes.

When you dream about your future, what comes to mind?

Many recent studies of employee engagement claim that as many of 70% are spending work time pursuing or considering changing careers. On good days and challenging ones, you may be among those who are living in the world of “if only”, chasing an illusive dream, looking for passion, reinvention, or change.

Often, I find that people who are struggling with this issue are so busy doing what is expected of them…or chasing an ideal…that they have never taken the time to listen to themselves. Or, they are among the many for whom life or other people have conspired to cause them to bury their inner voice. Many look for techniques, systems and books to provide the answer to their career quandary; or focus on changing their career to resolve the existential issues in life….that have no “solution”, but require working through/accepting.

Pay attention to your dreams. Deconstruct, interpret, explore, write down, go beyond the evident to uncover the symbols or implications of your visions. The dream itself may be trying to tell you something. In my experience, people who want to discover or recover their passions have a sense of what they love to do/want to do but have buried, sidelined, dismissed or avoided it. Use your dreams to start an internal dialogue, gain insight, broaden your self-awareness. A career/life investigation takes courage. Often working with a career consultant will help you uncover and integrate hidden or buried desires and dreams. You may not have to change the work you do…you may find that you need to change the way you work, or expand your sense of occupation to include unmet elements with volunteer or avocational options.

Here are some thoughts to help you maximize your contemplation:

• Career dreams are symbols, that when deconstructed, can light the way to many real career options. They often need further analysis to convert them from unconscious and ambiguous images, ruminations or fantasies into grounded areas to explore.
• Thoughts about a career ideal or choice may really be about an occupation you wish to pursue or the dream may represent a need or an unfulfilled piece of your self that can be integrated into your current work/life.
• Taken literally, or acted on impulsively, a career dream can throw you off course, lead to an exhaustive search, or land you in a poor fit, with unsatisfying results.
• Dreams without action become fantasy–and this can can lead to a cycle of unmet desires and disappointment.
• Explore your career dreams with your career management consultant to help distinguish desired but unrealistic ideas from possibilities that can be actualized. For example, you can work on:

Turning dreams into occupations
Turning your unfulfilled career around
Turning weaknesses to strengths
Turning professional conflicts into collaborations
Turning an dream into a business solution

Pleasant dreams!

To respond or not respond…that is the modern conundrum.

I hear a lot, as I gather 360 information about emails that appear to be a call to action. Response emails sent when pressured for time ends up taking more time in the aftermath of impersonal immediacy because the reader cannot “read” the nuance of expression that voice to voice or face to face communication enables. In their book, Send, The Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home, David Shipley and Will Schwalbe quote Bob Geldof, the humanitarian rock musician, as saying: “email is dangerous because it gives us ‘a feeling of action’–even when nothing is happening.”

They say: “In a face-to-face (or voice-to voice) conversation, our emotional brains are constantly monitoring the reactions of the person to whom we’re speaking. We discern what they like and what they don’t like. Email, by contrast, doesn’t provide a speedy real-time channel for feedback. Yet the technology somehow lulls us into thinking that such a channel exists. As Daniel Goleman, author of Social Intelligence, told us, emailing puts people, in neurological terms, in a state of disinhibition.(In our nonscientific terms, it’s cluelessness.) When we’re on email, the inhibiting circuits in our brain–which help us monitor and adapt to our audience’s responses–have checked out. The big problem, of course, is that we aren’t always aware of this. And by the time we are? Well, we’ve probably already hit that Send key.”

It seems that an email which takes less than 5 minutes to compose and send often results in hours or even days of repercussions. Jules Halpern, who heads up Halpern Law Advisors has recently put together a very helpful list in his newsletter. His “Ten Ways to Avoid the Hazards of Email” lists recommendations that cover a legal as well as an interpersonal perspective. He reminds us that email is a formal communication which becomes part of the legal record and that deleting does not make it truly disappear. In addition to its permanence, email can cause the recipient to react with unintended consequences. Brief and curt communications or sarcastic “jokes” may create a different impression than anticipated, leading to unnecessary misunderstandings or even contentious outcomes. Thus, counting to 10 before sending, speaking in person rather than writing and restricting emails to announcing and explaining, not communicating emotionally laden topics are advisable. Halperin reminds us that: “Talking is still the best form of communication, especially when emotions are involved. The old saying, ‘write it, regret it’ certainly applies to electronic communications.”

In addition, Halperin cautions us to avoid anything that is sexually suggestive, racist or otherwise harassing and to assure that our important emails have been received by calling to verify receipt. A final recommendation is to keep our emails organized so that they are easily found if a record of communication is needed in the future.

One last thought, my clients tell me that they actually have benefited from the Blackberry blackout, and technology shut downs. They like the opportunity to think before speaking, reaching out personally, and not feeling compelled to respond before consideration and composition. Think about it!